take a walk

Mac and I made our way over to the park yesterday. He had never been there before and he was so excited! There was actual GRASS, and it was GREEN! The weather was a bit overcast and there was a slight breeze. Mac sniffed EVERYTHING (twice) and after he was sufficiently wore out we made our way back home. We had a very good sleep last night, to say the least.

Click the image for more some more green.

instagram images by me

found :: think invisible

Pictures that make you think.

Finding this site was the highlight of my day. Lots to look at and you can order t-shirts of your favorites. Very cool. My Brain is mush since I’m on virtually no sleep. Mac was sick over the weekend and let’s just say…there was a lot of cleaning and deoderizing going on. Poor little guy. I’m hoping today is a better day for him (and me).

via Bloesem Kids

things i’m afraid to tell you

Today was not a great day. Mac was evil all morning and I woke up with a lot pain and very little patience. Work was awful, I got home really late and finally had a moment to relax around 10 o’clock. Relaxing, for me, means catching up on twitter, facebook and reading my favorite blogs while eating popsicles before dragging myself up the stairs to bed (so glamorous, I know). Tonight, while relaxing, I caught a thread on twitter from Ez @creaturecomfort which led me to this post about sharing more real-life (or less filtered) content on our blogs and how our envy of the pretty little vignettes of life we see on blogs, and the like, can eat away at us… causing feelings of being “less than”. I’m summarizing, of course. I read Ez’s whole post (wicked long – but worth it) and then went on to read many other posts on the same topic from other blog authors. It was very interesting and comforting, and encouraging to read some of the real details of peoples lives. The not so pretty things that make us all real and perfectly imperfect humans.

Ever since creating this blog three or so years ago (who’s counting? 555 posts.). I’ve concentrated on keeping it positive, funny, kind, and well…pretty. But my life is not in any way perfect and neither am I. If I’m being honest… most of my life has been a fucking mess (in real life I swear. a lot.) So, here is my (current) list of things I am afraid to tell you. I hope it helps me feel more real (or less perfect) to my “readers” (hi mom) and maybe encourages you to share a little bit more of your own rough edges in your posts.
  1. I have been feeling irrelevant for about a month or so. I am concerned it has something to do with reading blogs by people who I “used to” relate to but somehow their “new book”, “new husband”, “new baby” news has left me feeling less than. And also, feeling a bit “left behind” somehow.
  2. I classify myself as an underachiever.
  3. I hate my smile. It’s BIG and crooked and hardly ever smile in pictures because of it.
  4. I live paycheck to paycheck even though I’ve had the same job for 11 years, a college degree and lived in the same townhouse for 7 years. I just opened my first savings account. It currently has $11 in it.
  5. I literally ate a whole can of frosting in the course of two nights (really, really). I’m not a stress eater but I think the aforementioned “irrelevant” feelings are starting to change that.
  6. I use big words like “aforementioned” sometimes in blog posts to offset my whole underachiever thing.
  7. I am really crappy at relationships, I have HUGE trust issues that prevent me from letting anybody get too close.
  8. I have chronic inflammation (since I was 20) and it affects my hips and spine. I am in pain most of the time (allergic to most pain medication) and it prevents me from wanting to meet new people, since they will eventually see me in pain and that makes me vulnerable. I also hate pity, so I (try) to avoid this topic when people say I “look tired” or ask if I’ve hurt myself.
  9. I am SUPER clumsy. I am the one that trips up the stairs, breaks my own bones, faints in the street or tells a story at the bar with grand hand gestures that knock a beer into the air and showers my best friend with Michelob Light.
  10. I used to think I knew how my life was going to be, but after my divorce I stopped making plans… or wanting things like a family… because I am afraid of it being taken from me… again. I know this is bad.

That’s a lot of stuff… there’s more of course but… no need to spill all the ugly beans at once, right?

This post was inspired by EzErin, and Nichole – who were inspired by this post by Jess

just beachy

Mac had his first trip to the beach the other day. It was hilarious. He was freaked out by the squishy sand and immediately put on the breaks when the ground started moving out from under him. He pretty much surfed his way down the incline of the beach to the packed sand. He was interested in the water until a wave sneaked up on him and he high-tailed it outta there! He spent the rest of his time sniffing dog tracks and shells and chased a random tennis ball until he caught a glimpse of another dog further down the beach. He was thoroughly exhausted by the time we made it back to the car and slept on the way home. Good dog.

instagram image © Aimee Elizabeth McEwen

puppy love

Today I woke up with one arm asleep and a crick in my neck. I was literally a tangled mess while Mac was comfortably curled up in the center of the bed, snoring. He let out half a squeak (more like a squonk) when I shifted the sheets in order to free my lifeless appendage. I tried to make a fist as I waited for that picky bug-crawly feeling to kick in. When Mac realized I was (attempting) to get up, he stretched, rolled over and tucked his sleeping face (eye boogers and all) into my neck. He then let out a huge sigh. It was almost cute enough to make me forget about the crick in my neck and worrisome arm numbness. Almost.

It appears that the amount of love I have for this little monster is in direct proportion to how much of the bed he occupies (illustrated in the graphic above)– and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

the wildlings are coming

I “planted” a whole bunch of wildflower seeds in the front yard a couple weekends ago. There is a tiny rectangular space in between the two front stoops of the townhouse I live in. It was terribly unkept, overgrown and icky, so I spent 3 hours on a Sunday and cleaned it out. I added some fresh soil and then replanted two tiny olive trees that I was able to save from the lizardtopia the space once was. I put two little solar light in  the front (only one works, DRAT!) and poured, nay, dumped a ton of wildflower mulchy stuff into it. I have no idea how it’s going to turn out, but I’m hoping it’s lovely and colorful at least for a couple months. I’m also going to plant climbing jasmine and try to train it to grow up onto the iron work that frames my front entrance. We shall see!

image by me

TGIF

{Scout had a rough week}

It’s almost the weekend and I am so ready! I have eastery projects planned for Saturday and only rest planned for Sunday (maybe a movie marathon). I’ll post pics of my projects if they aren’t a total mess. The dining room has been painted and I’ll let you see pics once everything is in place (soon). Happy weekend!

secrety secrets

(bippity boppity boo hoo)

I have a confession to make and don’t hate me for it. There is no easy way to say this so I’m just going to say it… I have lived in Florida for almost 13 years and I’ve NEVER BEEN TO DISNEY WORLD! I know, I KNOW, that’s so tragic, right? How can this be?

There are more than a few reasons for this. The first is my workaholic tendencies and the fact that I never take vacations. The second is that I’m perpetually broke. The third is that I’m terrible with crowds. Terrible. The fourth and biggest reason is that going to amusement parks is a HUGE sore spot for me having to do with my first (and probably only) marriage.

I don’t talk about my marriage / divorce in this space very often. This is my happy space, and honestly I can’t really remember much of what happened in that relationship anymore so it only comes up once in a while. Long story short (ha ha, too late!) I always wanted him to take me, but he never did. And, the year that I specifically asked to go to Orlando for my birthday, he said NO. Then, a couple days before my birthday, he and his co-workers went…instead. It’s like he took my birthday away and gave it to someone else. What a douche, right? That was the beginning of the end.

I’m painfully aware that I should be over this by now. But here I am, talking about it and still haven’t been to Disney World (almost 7 years later). Why don’t I go? Why is this even a secret?

Well, I guess it’s because whenever I’ve told anyone… they first are aghast, then solemnly SWEAR to take me… but it never happens. I pretty much refuse to go alone, as if my various affective disorders would ever allow it. My girlfriends took me to Universal a few short days after my divorce was final. They tried really hard (LOVE YOU GUYS!), but it was like leaving a funeral and saying… I’m going to Disney World! Not fun. I’ve been threatened a few times with a trip to Sea World… but I cannot imagine how anyone would ever get me there. I’m deathly afraid of water, and giant animals, and we already know I’m terrible with crowds, you do the math.

So, the secret is OUT and I don’t really know what to do next. I’m still making plans for my birthday this year but they don’t include a trip to Orlando. Although it seems as if Prince Charming has lost my phone number and forgotten my name [sigh], I know things always workout somehow – and I’m not ruling out my happily ever after just yet [wink].

image links to the place I have not (yet) been